I was gonna change this year, make this the metamorphasis year where I actually started having fun in high school because I'm never gonna have this again and for some people their fondest memories come from when they were in high school. Not like I haven't been having ANY fun but last year was almost better which is surprising to say because I didn't have a very great school year, well at least in the fall/winter last year. Idk maybe I'm just remembering last year differently than it actually was, imagining myself happier than i really was. I thought last year would be the worst, at least socially of high school because I lost some friends, but then I found some others who are really awesome. But idk I guess I was being unrealistic in thinking that I could totally just transform myself over the summer. And it is only like a month into the school year but I'm totally not enjoying much of anything having to do with school right now. I don't see like anyone during the day-lunch, classes, the bus, anything. It really sucks and then I'm like the only one not in orchestra/squeeze math so it just kinda isolates me more. And like I said in another entryyour freinds having boyfriends really complicates things sometimes. But bah that's the end of my complaining for now. There's still time. So love u all, ha even tho no one reads this. u should comment if u do.

~Madelyn

I hate this, I hate feeling selfish and little-kiddish and jealous. I hate having to plan everything. I hate feeling like I'm a worse person than everyone, like I'm so bad for complaining or getting mad at people. I hate how I don't tell people what I want (at least in some respects) I hate when ur best friends have boyfriends because it tears everyone apart. I hate losing touch with people for no reason. I hate feeling like I'm not in control of my own life. I hate feeling so burdened with school and gpa's and tests and getting into a "good" college and knowing what you want to do for the rest of your life. I hate feeling so insecure. I hate crying for reasons unknown to everyone except my subconcious. I hate people questioning you all the time, I hate doubts, regrets, insecurities, jealousy. I hate that while I'm writing this I think of people reading it and thinking I complain too much.

so yea I decided to create a new blog because I liked my other one better when I knew hardly anyone read it. I feel like I can write whatever and no one will have a problem with it ya kno? so yea first post=always boring but i dont have a ton to write about or at least nothing I WANT to write about right at this moment. so update soon.
<3